So last week I went to myriad of weddings all over the country. It was great time to reconnect with old friends, meet new ones, and do my inevitable judging on what I would/would not want at my wedding. While I am generally a happy, single, person…it has become apparent to my friends that I am “token fun gay guy” and that by inviting me to a wedding without a plus one will surely save them money and will obligatorily create and maintain the party atmosphere for the wedding. I dress well, I take great pictures, I am a hoot and half…but I am also SINGLE. That seems to be the main focus of my conversations with people at weddings. It’s my choice to be single…but it’s not what defines me. So I’ve put together the Single Person’s Guide to being at a wedding. Enjoy!
1. Stay merrily tipsy – don’t get plastered. It’s one thing to drink your weight in bubbles when you’ve got someone there to prop you up and eventually steer you to a cab. It’s another thing entirely to do it when you’ve got to handleall that being civil and getting home stuff yourself. I got so drunk at a wedding once I had to call my mom – who was miles away – and ask her to come pick me up. There’s nothing like waking up in your childhood bed to make you seriously assess where your life’s going.
2. Quiz the bride and groom about the men/women attending who will also be flying solo. This is crucial. Something about the romanticism of the wedding day will make you dreamily crave a relationship – even if it’s just for that day. But unless you find out what’s what about who’s who, you could either spend the whole reception with a) a crashing bore or b) a total cretin. Once upon a time when I was at a wedding alone, I ended up sat next to a charming handsome young man. He made me laugh, kept my wine glass full and joined me for cigarettes in between courses. After such a charm offensive, it was no surprise when he asked for my number. Luckily, I knew he was having an affair with the groom (I KNOW!) and thus saved myself a world of trouble.
3. Do ask to be sat at the singles’ table if there is one. It might feel like a cliche but it really is the most fun. Also, the alternative is sitting next to a bunch of couples and feeling like a sad third wheel in amazing clothes. You’ve probably spent a bunch of money to dress for that wedding. You most certainly look incredible. You and your dress/suit deserve to be on a table where fun times happen, not sandwiched in between the bride’s sister-in-law and the groom’s elderly aunt.
4. Get your game face on. Especially if you don’t know many people there. Guys – that means going the extra mile with personal grooming (please trim your facial hair) and making sure your hair is well done. Ladies, that could mean putting on a dash of red lipstick. Or having a full spray tan, eyelashes and your hair done. Whatever makes you feel good, do it. There’s nothing better than walking into a wedding feeling confident and gorgeous. A few years ago, I ended up at a friend’s wedding by myself, hungover and in desperate need of the haircut. I felt so hideous, I made a run for it directly after the speeches.
5. Prepare yourself for “oh you poor single thing” jibes. However, don’t become the wedding clown, doormat or let it go any further than a few patronizing comments. After a wedding in a huge field, a friend of mine woke up in her tent to find a…ummm…doing stuf…next to her head, like she was literally invisible! It’s at times like these – regardless of the fact you’re at a wedding – you are absolutely within your rights to lose your effing mind.