Many of you know that I lived for many years in England and learned the history of Mother’s Day. It was originally called Mothering Sunday, and had nothing to do with giving birth or raising children. It had to do with returning to your home church. The American version was created by Anna Jarvis. She later spent the rest of her life trying to remove it from the calendar after deeming it to be too commercial. (https://www.history.com/topics/holidays/mothers-day)
Mother’s Day now is about flowers, brunch, and guilt. Okay, maybe not guilt. But it’s pretty heavy-handed in the show respect and honor department. For many, it’s a reminder that they don’t have a child or that they don’t have a mother or that they don’t have the mother they wish they had. This post is a celebration of you.
I’m proud of those who mothered themselves. Life didn’t give you those Hallmark moments for whatever reason. Maybe you chose to end the relationship because that’s what was healthiest. Maybe she ended it because she didn’t agree with your life choices. Maybe illness or addiction took her way too soon. Or maybe she was in a place where she didn’t remember you or couldn’t mother you. You mothered yourself. Just like we don’t all drive the fancy car in the commercials, we don’t all have that amazing mother in the commercials. I’m proud of you for taking care of yourself, for loving yourself, for finding ways to nurture others even though you didn’t have a role model.
I’m proud of all those women who dreamed of being mothers and life had different plans. I’m proud that you kept going – moving on to other plans or plugging away at roads that might lead you to a child someday. It’s tough. In the meantime, consider that you might have mothered others without realizing it. If you have helped someone grow professionally or personally, that’s mothering. If you’re cared for others and shown love, you’ve mothered. When I lived abroad for 10 years, I had friends that invited me to holiday dinners, picked me up from the hospital, and were there for me during tragedy. This is a form of mothering. You may never know the effects you’ve had on others but it’s there, I know it.
I have no words for those grieving the loss of a child or the loss of a mother. Holidays can bring up memories or dreams unfulfilled. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I can’t say anything that doesn’t sound cheesy or trite. I hope the memories are a comfort and not another source of pain.
My advice for getting through Mother’s Day: stay off social media, be kind to yourself, and binge-watch Game of Thrones
About Rebecca Romo
