It is so hard to believe it has been 1 year since I lost my wonderful husband Eric. He was my best friend and confidant.
Eric was a husband, a father, a son, a brother and an uncle.
Eric had a heart attack that took his life suddenly. Very often I just sit and cry wondering what he “felt” in that split second. It hurts me to think about what he may have gone through…but I think about it. I can’t help it. There is nothing worse in this world than thinking that someone you love to the core may have been in pain.
I have learned a lot in the past year. There are times I feel lost. Even just changing “we” to “I” in a conversation makes me sad.
When I go to the grocery store and go by his favorite foods (chocolate ice cream and a nice “rib-eye” especially) I tear up. When something “great” happens and I can’t hear his loving response it’s hard. When something “awful” happens and I can’t rest my head on his shoulder it’s even harder.
Eric was my biggest cheerleader in all aspects… We met at a party at 19…he said he liked me right away…but I had a boyfriend…so he was a gentleman and backed off haha!. He even remembers exactly what I was wearing that night! We then met up years later but it just wasn’t the right time. Then we worked together at WKLB…he asked me out to dinner and like a dope I said “is this a date…or just a friend thing” like he was really gonna say it was just a “friend thing”! That was the start of 19 loving years together.
Eric was one of the most naturally talented people I had ever met. His voice was beautiful. He was very proud to have been the youngest person on WRKO. I never thought I would have married someone in the same business as me…but it was really great. We had so much in common and believe it or not “radio” wasn’t the only thing we talked about! Lol!
I have learned a lot about people and friends in the past year as well. The ones that are compassionate and thoughtful say “hey…how are you doing” “how are you holding up” so many people don’t understand that I want to hear those words. Sometimes you just want someone to be nice. Period.
I think people believe because a year has passed you’re getting over it. It’s not the case. In some ways it’s harder because you’re just coming out of your “funk” and realizing that your loved one really isn’t there. It’s sad to think that any of our lives can change in an instant…
I have always been a very happy person…but this is a sadness that at times is unbearable.
I can’t tell you how many times I just burst into tears when I hear a special song on the radio or the times I just burst into tears out of no-where when a loving memory of us runs through my mind.
I have noticed that when a person loses a spouse and they’re older they continue to wear their wedding rings. When a person loses a spouse and they’re younger people think at some point they should take their wedding rings off and move on with their lives. I don’t know if or when that day will come…but it is not right now. My rings mean a lot to me. They represent our union…our love…and our commitment to each other. Although someday they may be gone from my finger. The memories of us will forever be in my heart.
God bless you Eric.
I miss you every single day.
Your loving wife,