It was a dark and stormy night . . .
Actually it was a windy and dark night during the first Blizzard of 2015.
Very few people know what happens behind the scenes in a radio station during an emergency like a two-day snow storm. Sane people are hunkered down with their families and slow-cookers. Trained public safety workers are out in the worst weather protecting the general public, keeping lights on and roads clear. Then there are a strange few willing to take part in round-the-clock-broadcasting. I am one of those strange people. We pack a bag, stock our studios with coffee and prep ourselves for hours and even days of weather forecasts, road reports, breaking news and cancellation updates.
This week was my first all-hands-on-deck storm coverage with CCB Media. We had over a dozen people covering jobs in each department: news, weather, on-air, on-line and operations. As the storm raged on, the hours ticked by and the caffeine flowed, we began to find ways to entertain ourselves. I kept thinking to myself, this seems like a set-up for a bad slasher film: We’re all gonna die! (Well, everyone but the KILLER!) But who is the killer?
As the blizzard raged on, this was how we each met our demise:
Our mild-mannered Program Director disappears first. He said he was going to drive to a nearby hotel, but we never get the call that he arrives.
Our Weatherman ventures out to measure the snowfall and sees the PD’s car at the back of the parking lot. The engine is still running . . . but no one is there! It is snowing too hard for any footprints to be found! Weatherman turns to warn the rest of us but slips and falls on his yardstick and expires in a snowbank!
Meanwhile, our News Director is working on her computer when the power flickers. There is a surge of electricity when the lights come back on! Our News Director is left smoldering, still sitting upright at her desk.
Bizarre circumstances conspire in the demise of several more staffers:
Radio DJ #1, who had been carrying around a gallon jug of water, trips and lands face first in the hallway, spilling the water and creating a puddle deep enough to drown in.
News Guy #1, who had been hoarding cookies, chokes on a Chips Ahoy in the kitchen.
Radio DJ #2, who had been setting up a place to sleep in one of the air studios, is inexplicably smothered by her pillow.
News Guy #2, who had been napping in the sales manager’s office, inadvertently rolls down the stairs, trapped in his sleeping bag.
Radio DJ # 3, hearing the thud at the bottom of the stairs from News Guy #2, tries to run from his on-air console, but forgets to remove his headphones and is hung by the cables in the doorway of the air studio.
In the meantime, when the power flickered, our Operations Manager went down the hall and outside to check on the generator. The wind is blowing too hard! The door to the equipment housing unit swings shut, trapping him. Eventually he succumbs to the fumes and peacefully passes away from carbon monoxide poisoning.
And what about me? I had made my way home to check on my dogs, but when I heard each of our four stations go off the air, I return to the station. I enter the eerily quiet office and walked through the rooms and, one by one, I find each of my co-workers. Terrified, I scream and run down the hall checking each studio and office looking for survivors. I finally reach the Digital Office, where I hear someone tapping on a keyboard.
I slowly open the door to find our Digital Operations Manager. She is giggling like The Riddler and scrolling through photographs on her computer. She has documented everyone else’s demise!
As I stand paralyzed in the doorway, one of the outside doors flings open! With a rush of wind, our mild mannered Program Director and yells “I am back from the Dunkin’ run!”
The power goes out!
There is more giggling, then all goes silent.
I would like to note that no one was actually injured during our round-the-clock broadcast and each staff member selected the method of their own demise.
